I see a lovely lady for Reiki now and then, not as often as I should if I’m honest… Among the other bits of wisdom she has imparted, the one that keeps coming to the front of my mind lately is that tears are cleansing, just let them fall.
Tonight’s cleansing began because my cat was angry with me. Who sobs for half an hour because your cat is mad at you? Apparently, I do. How does one know your cat is angry, you ask? It’s not the flat ears. It’s not the clawless paw batting at you or the screechy griping. No. It’s the grudge. It’s the growling and glaring. It’s the refusal to look at you when you try to make amends. It’s the turning her back to you when you apologize for waking her up and the dog popping over your leg to say hi unexpectedly. And it’s the continued growling and glaring even after you offer food and catnip, both things she loves.
Social distancing is difficult, if you haven’t noticed. The cat being mad at me tonight just sent me over the edge. So many are griping about not being able to be out in the world and protesting against stay at home orders, but for many of us, we’re ok with it as we know it’s for the greater good. A post on social media noted that part of why so many of us are struggling isn’t the absence of others, but the there-but-not-there-ness of them. Zoom and Google meetings make it worse–we can’t just walk into the office or classroom of those we collaborate with regularly. Virtual happy hours are lovely, but not nearly the same as being together in the same room sharing beverages of choice and stories. Seeing everyone’s face in a staff meeting or words in a chat are great, but again…not the same. Virtual coffee dates with friends are wonderful, but also a reminder of how far apart we really are. While all of us are thankful for the technology that allows virtual meet ups, games, and get-togethers, the connection is not the same as being in the same room together…
On the upside of all this, friends I’ve had for years and I have talked more since all of this began than we have in a long time. Life got in the way, see, and since none of us currently have a life outside of our homes, the virtual chats while prepping dinner or attending an online wine class together are becoming more regular. Invitations to play card games virtually are becoming more common because we crave the connection of our tribe and are having to get creative about how to do it.
But yes, the last several days have brought more cleansing tears than I anticipated I’d have. A friend and her darling girlies brought homemade pasta and sweet kid-made cards over and I cried–seeing part of my tribe, even from 6 feet away and hearing sweet kidlet voices just got my heart. A dear older gentleman friend of a neighbor complimented how darling my puppy is and offered again to take her off my hands for a good chunk of money (I declined…she’s priceless.) I had the park all to myself this morning and could sit for a bit in the sun with my dog, in the quiet. I had Marco Polo messages from friends I miss so very much. My love brought chili over and stayed a little while and neither the cats nor the dog hated him while he was here…that’s a big step. I got one. thing. done. the other day that has been hanging over my head for a while. Little things…little things brought cleansing tears…
My cat seems to have forgiven me, taking her usual spot on the bed now, coming to head butt me before she curled up to sleep. My other cat, who was not angry with me, joined me shortly after, and the puppy is in her crate next to the bed, contemplating sleep vs. watching the cats to make sure they’re still here.
Let the tears fall. Get tissue or toilet paper as needed to blow your nose and splash cold water on your face when the sobbing is over. But let the tears fall. It’s cleansing, Liz says, and she’s right. I do feel as though a bit of weight has been lifted from my shoulders and my head hurts a lot less than it did before. (I have a theory that stuck tears cause headaches.) Perhaps I’ll sleep well tonight without the strange dreams that multiple news articles say are typical of everyone right now.
Sleep well, dear reader…celebrate tomorrow morning that the sun rose again and you get to be a part of another day. Be kind. Show compassion. Spent some time outside…even if it’s just to roll in the grass a while.